Now that I am almost alone at the office, I can tell you about my neighbour. Now this is one of the dumbest people you ever wanna meet. So I am quietly watching the evening news with my parents as the good child that I am (okay, so I was listening to extremely loud music but who cares) and he comes storming in looking very animated. He then calls my name like 57 times (again, who is counting) with such urgency that I almost grab a hockey stick thinking its burglars (yes, I do have a hockey stick in the house. You can never be too careful :-/). After heavily planting his derrière next to me, he makes the biggest mistake he possibly could and starts talking. "Me by the way I am not having kids." Herein, I make the biggest mistake I possibly could and ask him why. He then says "Parents ruin half your life. Kids ruin the rest." Now this sounds perfectly normal until he continues. "And anyway, by that time, fat people will be suing fast food joints and UGLY kids will be suing their folks. I do not want my wife to end up in jail." I look at him bewildered and half amused.
Again he forgets to shut up and continues "By the way I discovered the easiest way to pick up chicks. I will paint my car to look like a taxi." He then looks at me with a self-satisfied grin/smirk, very happy with himself. Bet he felt like a cross between Einstein and Madam Currie (if you do not know who she is, Yahoo, I mean Google it) At this point, I am honestly starting to question my choice of friends. Like where did I seriously go wrong? *heavy sigh* I do not even have the right words to insult him because such stupidity is unparalleled. But of all that you know what the saddest part is? He is not yet done. So he goes on to tell me how today he feels so enlightened, its like he got in touch with his sixth sense *I didn't even know he had the first five * "Can you imagine I ate so much ice cream and I did not get brain freeze? I have mastered my senses now they cannot be my master." (Sounds like something out of a failed super-hero comic book) He then goes on to take ice cream straight from the freezer and takes like 4 big mouthfuls. What happens next? Poor thing groaned like a monkey giving birth (hey, that would be cool, huh?). Seems ice cream really did 'master' him. *great, now I am starting to think like him* I may need to revise my friends list.
Before I was appalled at his stupidity. Now, I was seriously getting concerned. How can one person store so much non-sense in his head? I worry for that boy, I really do. He is beyond DISTURBED. However, his demons, my entertainment. And he still was not yet done but I will finish up later because I am hungry and if I delay I will find these people have finished all the food in the kitchen. Which reminds me, I think one of the requirements in the job description here was 'Must be a hog'. There is always someone in that kitchen! Plus I gotta plot my escape from the office (after eating, of course :-D). Its is Friday after all, although since that HORRIBLE Rebecca Black song, Friday is starting to lose its appeal, sigh. Death to her or as Ahmed the terrifying terrorist would say, "Silence! I kill you." As I sign out, booyah!
Again he forgets to shut up and continues "By the way I discovered the easiest way to pick up chicks. I will paint my car to look like a taxi." He then looks at me with a self-satisfied grin/smirk, very happy with himself. Bet he felt like a cross between Einstein and Madam Currie (if you do not know who she is, Yahoo, I mean Google it) At this point, I am honestly starting to question my choice of friends. Like where did I seriously go wrong? *heavy sigh* I do not even have the right words to insult him because such stupidity is unparalleled. But of all that you know what the saddest part is? He is not yet done. So he goes on to tell me how today he feels so enlightened, its like he got in touch with his sixth sense *I didn't even know he had the first five * "Can you imagine I ate so much ice cream and I did not get brain freeze? I have mastered my senses now they cannot be my master." (Sounds like something out of a failed super-hero comic book) He then goes on to take ice cream straight from the freezer and takes like 4 big mouthfuls. What happens next? Poor thing groaned like a monkey giving birth (hey, that would be cool, huh?). Seems ice cream really did 'master' him. *great, now I am starting to think like him* I may need to revise my friends list.
Before I was appalled at his stupidity. Now, I was seriously getting concerned. How can one person store so much non-sense in his head? I worry for that boy, I really do. He is beyond DISTURBED. However, his demons, my entertainment. And he still was not yet done but I will finish up later because I am hungry and if I delay I will find these people have finished all the food in the kitchen. Which reminds me, I think one of the requirements in the job description here was 'Must be a hog'. There is always someone in that kitchen! Plus I gotta plot my escape from the office (after eating, of course :-D). Its is Friday after all, although since that HORRIBLE Rebecca Black song, Friday is starting to lose its appeal, sigh. Death to her or as Ahmed the terrifying terrorist would say, "Silence! I kill you." As I sign out, booyah!
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