I know, I know. 67 years it has been? I am sorry for the long absence. Has something to do with less liberal access to the net (okay, that's just a fancy way of saying I stopped going to the office where net was free :)) and me becoming extremely lazy. I honestly fear for my health. One day I might just explode (like that poor Ribena berry) on that couch that has been my best friend for the past couple of weeks. Or worse still end up like this guy :-o
So anyway, enough of my raves and rants (pun very much intended). To the topic at hand. Actually before we get there, lemmi indulge you a bit. I know you are probably wondering why I am blogging on a Saturday night (C.A.T, that is) instead of going out with my friends and having a night I would rather not remember tomorrow, right? Well, I am sad like that. I am in the house while all the cool kids are out...... Okay, not really. I am blogging because I have free unlimited internet access and because quite a number of people have asked me to update the blog. Yea, I can't help it if my musings are that popular (okay so no-one really asked for an update but a girl can dream, can't she :-D)
Anyway, onto more pressing issues. A lil bird (hahaha, I know I will pay for this) told me to list the 9 people (I don't understand why 9 but oh well, I didn't make the rules) I would want to have dinner with most. Now if you are expecting my list to be riddled with humanitarians and great mean and women of society, then you obviously clicked on the wrong blog. Please click www.iamboringandisuck.com to find your destination of choice. Okay, of course there is gonna be the occasional person who has done so much for humanity and is the goodwill ambassador of blah, blah, blah. See, am already bored. So then. Here goes the 9 people I would kill (not literally....... okay, for some maybe) to sit down at a dinner table with.
9. Nelson Mandela
He makes it onto the list because I need to look like I care about other humans and yada yada yada. *yawn* Seriously though, I would love to sit down with him and hear about his struggle for freedom in South Africa (though I highly doubt those guys are in Africa. Have you been to S.A? It is such a beauty) and those 27 years he spent on Robben Island (now I remember why I never liked Arjen Robben, hehehe). But most of all, the one thing I would love to know is how does it feel to have the entire world at your beck and call. The likes of Beyonce and company. I would totally abuse that power if I was Madiba (that explains why I am not a celebrity, huh?) Then hoping his wife is there I would ask her the all-important question: HOW THE HELL DID YOU BAG TWO PRESIDENTS? Thee end.
"Take it off, take it off." Some people (okay most) will disagree with what am about to say but I do believe that The Jerry Springer show is one of television's most ingenious productions yet. It is hilarious. And the most ironic part is that despite the show being so raunchy and daring, the host is one of the sweetest men you will ever meet (its like I know him in person) If I were to sit down with Jerry, I would love to get the dirt on all the unaired episodes and edited segments. Then whenever I am depressed or just down, I look at these worst case scenarios and feel tons better about myself. I know, I know it is using other people to feel better about myself but its okay as long as they don't know, right? Right? But the reason why Jerry made it to this list is this simple. Somehow the thought of sitting down with the host of what is possibly television's dirtiest show is very cool. Like "Yea, I know Jerry, he is my homie." *walks away head hung in shame*
Joanne Rowling is one of the most disturbed people you will ever meet. Do not get me wrong, I love J. K. Rowling (still do not understand the purpose of the K but hell, she is a millionaire, she can call herself whatever she pleases). I think she has one of the most creative minds the world will see in a long, long time (suck on that Stephanie Meyer). BUT. There is no way anyone can convince me that someone who came up with a series of seven books, all vividly depicting magic and Dark Lords who have no noses, is sane. Nah, uh. So for this reason, I would want to sit down with her and prod her brain until she cracks. And finally admits that Harry Potter is not made up (yes, I do believe it is very real) then baem! I will have uncovered one of the closest guarded secrets of the century :-D
6. Adolf Hitler
Before you deride me, hear me out. Hahahaha, no, okay, go ahead. Why would I like to have Hitler for dinner? Because he is a great historical figure and without him history would be just that much boring. No, I am not justifying his merciless killing spree (though if it were cats I would fully support him) but I do admire him for one thing. His determination and principle. He had a cause and he fully believed in it and thus did everything to make it happen (though he could have chosen a better one). But that sheer willingness to stand up for what he believed in is what I admire. My punchline to him? "Did you seriously believe Germans are pure-bred and they would rule the world? Really Adolf? Really?" That means we would all have to speak German and that is tantamount to puking in my mouth. Okay, bye.
5. Robret Downey Jr.
This I have been looking forward to. Robert Downey Jr. I think he is one of the most ingenious actors of our generation, and trust me, they are not that many (bubble heads). He oozes wit and humour and to him it just comes so naturally. Iron Man, Sherlock Holmes (my heart broke when I found out he is made up :'(), Ally McBeal, Downey is amazing. He has got the Midas Touch. Not many people understand his wit but for those who do, it is simply genius. Plus, I would liketo get him to tell me how taking crack feels like :-D No seriously, am glad he kicked the drug addiction but where else will I get a former crack addict willing enough to talk about the positive effects of it? Okay, I am not sure he would either but he seems too lovely to refuse. Probably make a big joke out of it all. ROBERT DOWNEY JR FOR VICE PRESIDENT (you will find out later why I didn't say president).
4. Kuzco, Ferb and Bart Simpson
For those of you who are my friends on Facebook or Twitter followers, you probably should have seen this coming. Now, I put the three of them together because they are my favourite cartoon characters ever. All of them are different in their own ways but for me they all epitomise COOLNESS. Kuzco is the King of cool, no doubt and Bart is stupid, smelly and irritating. I love it. Ferb is probably the most quiet cartoon character in the history of cartoons but it is this silence that endears him. Okay, so I lied (inside joke). It is THAT accent. Oh my goodness. That British accent is to die for. Now seeing as they are cartoon characters and I will probably never get to meet them, all I ask is that I meet their creators and the voice behind them (okay, at least in Ferb's case). Then they will all receive big wet ones as a token of my appreciation for making the world a bit better and funnier.
3. Leonardo Da Vinci
I wanted to go for Di Caprio then I thought about my male readers and decided to spare them the agony of reading about how hot and dreamy Leo is and how I would give almost anything to....... Consideration, yea. Anyway, I am a bit of a history buff (yea, I am a geek, deal with it :p) and for all like-minded people out there, I am sure you will agree with me that if this dude were alive today, all of history's mysteries would be solved. He is the missing link in almost all of history's ravels. But then, what draws me toward him is his personality. If the records are anything to go by, he was a very disturbed man and that ladies and gentlemen, (or boys and girls) is the type of people that tickle my fancy *insert heavy British accent*. But what I would most like to ask him is not if he was one of the Grand Masters of the Priory of Sion or whether Jesus' bloodline still continues somewhere in Europe. No, those can wait, Punchline? "Dude, I know you were disturbed but was it that bad that you produced one of the world's greatest masterpieces by painting yourself as a woman?" I am sorry but there is a very big difference between being a bit disturbed and being in the 'Exorcism of Emily Rose' category. But still, Da Vinci rules :)
2. Sir Alex Ferguson
Come on, really? You really expected me not to involve him? Hahahaha. Anyway, I though of so many football greats, heroes that have shown what the beautiful game is all about, that I could include in this illustrious list (even if you don't care much, I do :p) but it all came down to one man, the only knighted coach in modern football. Yes, the players get all the glory because they score the goals and purportedly win the games but I tend to think that Sir Alex has seen it all. He has worked with some of the greatest talents from Giggs to Cantona to Ronaldo. This is why I would like to sit down with him. I feel he has so much to offer in terms of football understanding and I would simply like to know how he does it year in year out. That will-power, determination to win and fitness. It is simply amazing. I salute him.
1. Richard Hammond
I think Richard is lovely. He seems so, he really does. And quite honestly, I think he has a very comic mind From playing Clarkson's victim on Top Gear to making wipeout UK worth watching, I think he is soo cool. In a dorkish kinda way. Plus he is also cute :) Okay, sappiness aside, I would love to meet him because I think he, Clarkson and James May (can never call him by just one name) have the coolest jobs in the world. You know, after the whiskey ambassador and that guy who gets to yell "action" and "cut" when making movies (aaaah, you get the point). If I did what they do for a living, I would enter the Guinness Book of Records for being the 'Happiest Human Being Alive'. Getting to go to Bolivia and the Andes with cars of our choice and trash them? Oh yes, I can definitely see myself doing that. RICHARD HAMMOND FOR PRESIDENT (makes sense now, doesn't it?)
So yea, that is my list. Those are the 9 people I would like to sit down and have a plate of really expensive salad which they are going to pay for since they are all rich. Okay, 'cept maybe for Ferb and Bart. They are excused. In which case we will go to a fast food joint where things are cheap :)
And before I forget........ Okay, so I have forgotten. But I am sure I will remeber then I will get back to you. I swear I have the memory of a goldfish.
As I sign out, booyah!
me likey
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