Bad Hair Day

Okay, as usual, I have to come up with a good explanation as to why I have not blogged in so long. I can go on and on about how busy I have been with school and work (yes, they called me back. Turns out I didn’t do such a crappy job after all *shrug*) but truth is I am just lazy. Don’t judge me, at least I am man (or woman) enough to admit it. But I also think my creativity levels are drastically going down. These days I take centuries to come up with an awesome update or tweet (that may explain the unfollows on Twitter). Anyway, let me not bore you with my sad life.

Moving on, I was asked quite a while back to write on the bad hairstyles Kenyan women subject their male counterparts to. Actually this draft has been on my laptop for sometime but I am just finishing it now (lazy, remember?) Ah, there I go digressing again. Anyway, he suggested I do this piece so here goes. You can follow him on Twitter @sickolia­_ Obnoxious but funny.

So now, I am not exactly sure how to categorise this (as I do everything else) so I will just start and hopefully things will fall into place :)

WEAVES
Now, I will start with what is possibly the most hated hairstyle amongst vile Kenyan men. WEAVES. These come in all shapes and sizes, colors and hues, length and breadth etc. Some women like them short (bobs) while some go for the whole diva look. Others prefer them in conservative colors like black while the brave ones go for red or God forbid, blonde. And I am not just talking about the dull blonde, no. these women go all out and put the screaming one. While the light-skinned ones may get away with it, the dark-skinned ones end up looking like Pam Anderson in her past life (I do believe this woman was black in another life).

 Now I know I might possibly be killed for this but heck, I will wing it (still cannot believe Neil Patrick Harris aka Barney Stinson is gay). So now, one of my very good friends has this ‘girlfriend’ (don’t ask). She is a very nice girl, to be fair but just recently she totally threw me off balance. Now, she is one of the conservative types when it comes to dressing, make-up etc. So you can imagine my shock when I saw her with purple-maroon-blonde road kill on her head.

I almost took to my heels thinking she had a skunk on her head. Anyway, that was just to demonstrate the lengths Kenyan women go to look…. Ummmm…... Different (only polite way to put it). Honey, just because it looks good on Rihanna don’t mean it’s gonna work on you.

Then there are those ones who try the whole Minaj/Barbie look. There is this one I saw (was sent for the photos) who has a pink weave. Pink. And no, she is not very light. I am sure most of you have seen it as it has been posted on various social sites (listen to me trying to sound all professional :-D). Iko Twitter! But that is nothing compared to those who are deluded enough to believe that multi-coloured ones look great. Why, oh why, would you want to put, not only yourself, but also everyone else through that? That should be a crime against humanity or something to that extent. Not unless you are Willy Wonka or Luna Lovegood, please, just don't (they are allowed).

Then there are those who like putting on heavy weaves. What I mean is those women who put on so much hair she probably lost a coin in there. Or a baby. Yes, some of them are that bad. My advice to them? It worked for Beyonce or maybe even Anna Nicole. In the 1700s.

Less is better, at least in this case (I shall not be blamed for any kind of debauchery). Then there is the crop that does not seem to know what suits them best. Case in point. You have a big forehead (guilty) yet you insist on putting on a weave that pulls all your hair behind. Really? Oh, and the worst are those that stay with a weave so long that when you finally go to the salon, the salonist is afraid of what might crawl out when it is undone. They keep it on for so long that it starts to smell (and if you look closely, most of them are single, just saying). Anyway, all that aside, I do not actually hate weaves. Hell, I put them also (though I still prefer my bob) But you gotta know where to draw the line. For example, I love Sheila Mwanyigha’s hair. It always looks so good.

BRAIDS

I know the weaves one was a bit long but that is because there is so much to say. Now the women who do braids are very interesting. Actually braids are nice because they save on time. You do not need to be in the salon every week as with people with natural hair. But this is where some women go wrong. They take the whole convenience thing to another level. They let their hair go and as a result it looks very shabby and uncivilized. Some can even be confused for dreadlocks. And before they realize it, the braids start falling off (along with their hair) and what results is an almost balding head with patches of hair here and there.

Then as usually there are those who like plaiting rainbows on their heads (did I miss this memo?) You will find someone with braids of all colours; pink, blue, green, white, red, yellow etc (okay, so maybe that is an exaggeration but trust me, they usually have at least three of those mentioned colours). Why not just put one colour? Maybe I am the conservative, old fashioned one here but still…..

Braids are actually not bad as long as they are well taken care of. Okay, I think those are the two main evils when it comes to Kenyan women and hair. The rest are lesser evils so I shall leave them for now.

 

That said and done, let us talk football for abit. Now I know most of you want my take on what is perhaps the biggest upset of the season so far (the Arsenal one barely counts, they are our whipping boys). Yes, the great and mighty MANCHESTER UNITED lost 6-1 to our noisy neighbours Man City (Six and the City). At home. Now many excuses have been given for this, playing with 10 men being the most repeated. But as much as we may all love to vilify Evans, I do not think he was our undoing on that fateful afternoon.

He is partially to blame but I think OVER-CONFIDENCE was the real culprit here. Yes, we were very over-confident. We knew City were good but we didn’t expect them to run riot like that. Do I think City are better than United? Yes….. For now. But we will be back. And that is a promise. In that game, they totally outclassed us so for now they are the better team. Do I still think United will win the title? Yes. Actually the result of that game is what made me so sure that we got this. There is no way Sir Alex will let his team suffer such a huge defeat in vain.

 All in all, I still have to make fun of Arsenal. 8-2? My favourite joke? Wenger’s wife wakes him up: ‘Honey wake up, it’s 9.’ Wenger: ‘Shit, they have scored another one?’ Then Chelsea go on and get hammered 5-3 by Arsenal (let me not even get started on that game). This will be a very interesting season. Let’s us watch. Game on.

As I sign out, booyah!