This post is actually a draft that has been on my laptop for very long. I had even forgotten about it until I stumbled upon it today while massaging my ego by reading my blog and telling myself how great it is (and now I will proceed to insult myself before you do it in your head, I suck *sigh*) Well, its not really my fault (never accept blame) that I forgot all about it. I won the lottery so I have been spending every last dime doing all I have ever dreamed of. Touring the world, buying excess clothes and shoes I will probably never wear, donating to charity, you know, the usual....
Oh, how I wish I had actually won the lottery. Then I would quit school, work, squander all my money than go crying to my parents when I get broke. Play the loser-of-the-family/black sheep trump card and BAEM! Sorted.
So now the other day I came across one of the most annoying people you ever want to meet. No, it had nothing to do with her as a person. I believe in giving everyone a chance and not hating one just because s/he is different blah blah blah. Malcom X, Mahatma Gandhi etc. All that. But what annoyed me about this particular girl was her VOICE. She has this high-pitched, irritating voice that would make Rebecca Black sound like Adele. Good grief. That shriek of a voice was too much. And she loves talking a lot. I just wanted to tell her........
Anyway, this got me thinking about the little quirky things that get on our nerves (yes, we all have them). Most of the time it is not intentional but it just happens. Okay, so I am thinking of a fancy way of introducing this list but nothing, (at least nothing you would want to hear) is coming to mind so I will just say something random then start...... Bacon.
1. Sneezy Sue
People who sneeze without covering their mouths. Come on seriously? We do not want TB or whatever God-forsaken ailment you have...... Plus I think the face people make when sneezing is really funny so yea. Let us all spare ourselves the embarrassment. Infact I think we should cover our entire face while sneezing. Yes :-D
2. Ballsy Bob
Guys who feel the need to ummmm..... caress their daddy package (okay, for the slow ones, scratch their balls) in public. If it is itchy, jump around and pretend you are jogging on the spot or something. Or, or, do the frog jump. Works wonders. Worse still is after that, he goes on to remove a booger then reaches out for a handshake. Height of nausea. Which reminds me of a clip I watched about shaking hands. I will get it and post it but be warned, If you like shaking hands, then this is not for you. You will swear off it (I did for a while but the Kenyan in me did not allow it to last).
3. Loud-mouth Loise
People who feel the need to read whatever they are reading out loud. Really? Do not get me confused, I do not mean people who read to themselves out loud, no (that's probably a disability, I can't judge *shrug*) I mean those who feel the need to share with the rest of the world whateverlittle knowledge they are trying to gain. And they usually force you to listen. To some long ass article. Please do us all a favour and enjoy it alone. BY YOURSELF.
4. Salonist Sandra
People who like touching my hair. Okay, here is a little confession. I have a mild case of OCD. One of my peeves is my hair. I am very territorial about my hair. I always want it to be perfect, not a single strand out of place (of course bad hair days always have their own ideas). So now when you come and start patting me like a dog....... Things will not end well (I have always wanted to say that :-D) And I always wonder, they do not feel icky what with the hair oil etc? People are weird. Bottom line, A SISTAH IS NOT HAPPY WHEN HER HAIR IS NAPPY.
5. Soulja Boy
Guys who wear oversize clothes. Hahaha, I know I gave the rest cool names but I just could not resist naming this crop of guys Soulja Boy. Okay now, I am not proposing guys start parading around in tights and extremely skinny jeans (otherwise you will all end up with SPS *Skinny Pants Syndrome*). No, that is not at all what I am going for (I actually like guys in skinny jeans ;)) All I am saying is this: Wear the clothes, not vice versa. The people who wear such baggy clothes have a serious problem. Like dude, seriously? What do you need all that space in there for? Shoplifter much?
6. Lip-licking Larry
Hahaha, okay, I don't even know whether that is an actual word but hell *British accent*. Again, this is a problem mostly associated with the less fair gender (that was clever, right? :-D) Compulsive lip-lickers are either trying to look sexy or have really chapped lips. My guess is a cross of the two. They have horrible lips and try to hydrate them by pulling an LL Cool J (coming to think of it there is really nothing cool or sexy about that name). Here is some unsolicited advice, try lip-care (for the fearless metro-sexual man) or Vaseline for the rest (then if caught with it, you can say its for fapping). Okay, bye.
7. Sweaty Steve
Guys who have compulsive sweaty palms. Now I know for most people this is something they cannot help etc, etc, BUT. If you know you have hands that feel like the underbelly of a snail (I just puked a bit in my mouth), please, kindly, I am begging you, invest in both dry AND wet tissues. I would imagine it is the least you can do for those courageous enough to offer you a handshake. And funny enough, these are the very same guys who insist on handshakes and patting you on the back or worse still, offering you the last piece of meat/bun. *shiver*
8. Nail-bitter Nadia
Actually I am yet to meet a Nadia who bites their nails (most Nadias I know are cool people) but I cannot for the love of God think of another girl's name that starts with N (all the rest are South African and I don't wanna sound like I am promoting Sarafina, though it is a great movie :-D). Soooo, anyway, I am very convinced that there is a special place in hell for all those people who bite their nails. Why? Oh why? I will not even give excuses for this type. It is a nasty habit. Period. If you are an obsessive bitter, stock up on gum or whatever else you need but by Merlin's beard, leave the poor nails alone. I am pretty sure God put them there for a purpose so do not be a murderer. Let them be.
Okay, I think that is it. Those are the quirks that make me wanna grit my teeth or scratch my nails on a blackboard. Hahahaha, got you there didn't I? No? You don't think so? Well here is the catch, I DO NOT KEEP LONG NAILS. So I can't scratch a blackboard :-D (okay, that sounded way funnier in my head :-/) *Ahem*, so forgetting that lame attempt and moving on, I know there is a group I have not mentioned and you are wondering why. Nose-picking Neil.
I did not include this calibre of people because of two reasons. One, I actually do not mind nose-pickers that much (as long as I do not see what comes out). Two, we all do it at one point or another. Maybe not so seriously as if we are looking for treasure, like Neil and co., but every once in a while we remove something from our nose using our fingers (do not deny it). So yes. See, even the famous do it :-D
Onto more pressing matters, 'Guess who's back? Back again?Shady's back. FOOTBALL'S BACK. Tell a friend.' Yes only one more day and then back to what we do and love best, the beautiful game. I am literally shaking and trembling with excitement (though the ongoing London riots are threatening to disrupt the 2011/2012 season debut). I cannot wait! As I digress, I don't understand why people say they 'cannot wait' then they end up doing just that. YOU HAVE NO CHOICE.
Anyway, back to the original trail of thought...... Ah yes, football. I cannot wait (I didn't say I was immune to it :p) to see my team back in action along with those other guys. Yea, them. And for us we started the season perfectly by shushing our noisy neighbours after the mother of comebacks in the Community Shield. I know it is supposed to be a friendly curtain-raiser to the season but the way it was being played was certainly not friendly (I think City thought it was the RUGBY Community Shield). All in all, a great win and a great revelation in Tom Cleverley. GLORY GLORY MAN UNITED.
DISCLAIMER: The inspiration for this blog post is actually a really nice person, as I got to find out. She is. I am not just saying this. She has a lovely heart. Cool kids.
As I sign out, booyah!
Oh, how I wish I had actually won the lottery. Then I would quit school, work, squander all my money than go crying to my parents when I get broke. Play the loser-of-the-family/black sheep trump card and BAEM! Sorted.
So now the other day I came across one of the most annoying people you ever want to meet. No, it had nothing to do with her as a person. I believe in giving everyone a chance and not hating one just because s/he is different blah blah blah. Malcom X, Mahatma Gandhi etc. All that. But what annoyed me about this particular girl was her VOICE. She has this high-pitched, irritating voice that would make Rebecca Black sound like Adele. Good grief. That shriek of a voice was too much. And she loves talking a lot. I just wanted to tell her........
Anyway, this got me thinking about the little quirky things that get on our nerves (yes, we all have them). Most of the time it is not intentional but it just happens. Okay, so I am thinking of a fancy way of introducing this list but nothing, (at least nothing you would want to hear) is coming to mind so I will just say something random then start...... Bacon.
1. Sneezy Sue
People who sneeze without covering their mouths. Come on seriously? We do not want TB or whatever God-forsaken ailment you have...... Plus I think the face people make when sneezing is really funny so yea. Let us all spare ourselves the embarrassment. Infact I think we should cover our entire face while sneezing. Yes :-D
2. Ballsy Bob
Guys who feel the need to ummmm..... caress their daddy package (okay, for the slow ones, scratch their balls) in public. If it is itchy, jump around and pretend you are jogging on the spot or something. Or, or, do the frog jump. Works wonders. Worse still is after that, he goes on to remove a booger then reaches out for a handshake. Height of nausea. Which reminds me of a clip I watched about shaking hands. I will get it and post it but be warned, If you like shaking hands, then this is not for you. You will swear off it (I did for a while but the Kenyan in me did not allow it to last).
3. Loud-mouth Loise
People who feel the need to read whatever they are reading out loud. Really? Do not get me confused, I do not mean people who read to themselves out loud, no (that's probably a disability, I can't judge *shrug*) I mean those who feel the need to share with the rest of the world whatever
4. Salonist Sandra
People who like touching my hair. Okay, here is a little confession. I have a mild case of OCD. One of my peeves is my hair. I am very territorial about my hair. I always want it to be perfect, not a single strand out of place (of course bad hair days always have their own ideas). So now when you come and start patting me like a dog....... Things will not end well (I have always wanted to say that :-D) And I always wonder, they do not feel icky what with the hair oil etc? People are weird. Bottom line, A SISTAH IS NOT HAPPY WHEN HER HAIR IS NAPPY.
5. Soulja Boy
Guys who wear oversize clothes. Hahaha, I know I gave the rest cool names but I just could not resist naming this crop of guys Soulja Boy. Okay now, I am not proposing guys start parading around in tights and extremely skinny jeans (otherwise you will all end up with SPS *Skinny Pants Syndrome*). No, that is not at all what I am going for (I actually like guys in skinny jeans ;)) All I am saying is this: Wear the clothes, not vice versa. The people who wear such baggy clothes have a serious problem. Like dude, seriously? What do you need all that space in there for? Shoplifter much?
6. Lip-licking Larry
Hahaha, okay, I don't even know whether that is an actual word but hell *British accent*. Again, this is a problem mostly associated with the less fair gender (that was clever, right? :-D) Compulsive lip-lickers are either trying to look sexy or have really chapped lips. My guess is a cross of the two. They have horrible lips and try to hydrate them by pulling an LL Cool J (coming to think of it there is really nothing cool or sexy about that name). Here is some unsolicited advice, try lip-care (for the fearless metro-sexual man) or Vaseline for the rest (then if caught with it, you can say its for fapping). Okay, bye.
7. Sweaty Steve
Guys who have compulsive sweaty palms. Now I know for most people this is something they cannot help etc, etc, BUT. If you know you have hands that feel like the underbelly of a snail (I just puked a bit in my mouth), please, kindly, I am begging you, invest in both dry AND wet tissues. I would imagine it is the least you can do for those courageous enough to offer you a handshake. And funny enough, these are the very same guys who insist on handshakes and patting you on the back or worse still, offering you the last piece of meat/bun. *shiver*
8. Nail-bitter Nadia
Actually I am yet to meet a Nadia who bites their nails (most Nadias I know are cool people) but I cannot for the love of God think of another girl's name that starts with N (all the rest are South African and I don't wanna sound like I am promoting Sarafina, though it is a great movie :-D). Soooo, anyway, I am very convinced that there is a special place in hell for all those people who bite their nails. Why? Oh why? I will not even give excuses for this type. It is a nasty habit. Period. If you are an obsessive bitter, stock up on gum or whatever else you need but by Merlin's beard, leave the poor nails alone. I am pretty sure God put them there for a purpose so do not be a murderer. Let them be.
Okay, I think that is it. Those are the quirks that make me wanna grit my teeth or scratch my nails on a blackboard. Hahahaha, got you there didn't I? No? You don't think so? Well here is the catch, I DO NOT KEEP LONG NAILS. So I can't scratch a blackboard :-D (okay, that sounded way funnier in my head :-/) *Ahem*, so forgetting that lame attempt and moving on, I know there is a group I have not mentioned and you are wondering why. Nose-picking Neil.
I did not include this calibre of people because of two reasons. One, I actually do not mind nose-pickers that much (as long as I do not see what comes out). Two, we all do it at one point or another. Maybe not so seriously as if we are looking for treasure, like Neil and co., but every once in a while we remove something from our nose using our fingers (do not deny it). So yes. See, even the famous do it :-D
Onto more pressing matters, 'Guess who's back? Back again?
Anyway, back to the original trail of thought...... Ah yes, football. I cannot wait (I didn't say I was immune to it :p) to see my team back in action along with those other guys. Yea, them. And for us we started the season perfectly by shushing our noisy neighbours after the mother of comebacks in the Community Shield. I know it is supposed to be a friendly curtain-raiser to the season but the way it was being played was certainly not friendly (I think City thought it was the RUGBY Community Shield). All in all, a great win and a great revelation in Tom Cleverley. GLORY GLORY MAN UNITED.
DISCLAIMER: The inspiration for this blog post is actually a really nice person, as I got to find out. She is. I am not just saying this. She has a lovely heart. Cool kids.
As I sign out, booyah!
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