Bizzare Baby Names

Whoa, I have never been this blank. I feel like a paper even (okay, that was lame but what you gonna do about it :p). Now that was me like 13 (don't ask) minutes ago, until my workmate happened. She came in so excited and started raving and ranting (pun very much intended :)) about her friend's new baby. She was so excited that she was going to be a godmother and we were all so happy for her up until she told us the name of the baby. Now before I reveal the name, I am just wondering what goes on in some parents' heads when it comes to naming their babies. Seriously. Okay, so she finally told us what the little bundle of joy (though going by the name, I highly doubt the mum was so thrilled) was to be referred to for the rest of her life. KEY. Yes, Key, like what you use to open a door. Reason? She OPENED up her heart and showed her love she has never felt before. The baby holds the Key to her mother's heart. Now this is very noble and moving, no doubt, but couldn't she have name the kid Joy, or Happiness (okay, maybe not) or pretty much anything else? After this revelation, everyone fell so silent and I am sure we were all thinking "Thank God I am not related to that kid." How do you start introducing her to strangers?  Like, "Hey, this is my cousin Key." "You have a cousin key? What's that? I have only heard of sister key." X-D

This brings me to today's topic, the matter at hand. Baby naming. I was going through a list of the weirdest (understatement of the year) celebrity baby names. Below are the top 20 (my heart goes out to these kids).

20. Kal-El, child of Nicholas Cage (really?)

19. Pilot Inspector, child of Jason Lee (I think he too his role in My Name is Earl a bit too seriously)

18. Fifi Trixibelle, child of Bob Geldof and Paula Yates

17. Apple, child of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin

16. Coco, child of Courteney Cox and David Arquette (David has always been loco anyway)

15. Kyd, child of David Duchovny and Tea Leoni

14. Sage Moonblood, child of Sylvester Stallone (Rambo got to his head)

13. Destry, child of Steven Spielberg (thats what you get from the mind that brought you ET)

12. Maddox, adopted child of Angelina Jolie (and Brad Pitt)

11. Memphis Eve, child of Bono

10. Ocean, child of Forest Whitaker (all those weird movie roles take a toll)

9. Price Michael II/Blanket, child of Michael Jackson

8. Rocket Rodriguez, child of Robert Rodriguez 

7. Blue Angel, child of The Edge from U2 (these U2 people discuss how to torture their kids)

6. Audio Science, child of Shannyn Sossamon (barely a celebrity but that name gets her on the list)

4 & 5. Moon Unit and Diva Thin Muffin, children of Frank Zappa

3.  Moxie Crimefighter, child of Penn Jillette (hahahahahaha #winning)

2. Tu Morrow, child of Rob Morrow (Numb3rs got inside his head)

And the number one spot goes to....... 

1. Jermajesty, child of Jermaine Jackson (runs in the family)

Locally, we have Wahu and Nameless (this is like the Jolie-Pitt of Kenya) who named their baby girl Tumiso (sounds like a poisonous Ecuadorian fruit). Now I honestly wonder why you would call your kid Moxie Crimefighter. I do. So what is the short form of that? MC, Crime? What? You are just setting your kid up for bullying and a life of mockery. Hell, I would literally ROTFLMAO and mock any kid called Sage Moonblood (and very shamelessly, at that). This is not a movie mayne, it is REALITY.

And another personal favourite is Banjo. You call your child Banjo and expect her to have a normal childhood and sane school life? In that case I want whatever illegal shit you are on. The fact that you have celebrity parents is enough to ensure hostility from you peers. Having a whack-job name does not help the situation. At all. Or another one, Peach. This is a free pass for sexual harassment. "Hey Peaches, why don't you come over and I can have you and cream". Hahahahaha. Okay but on a serious note, parents need to be more careful when naming their kids. That name that sounds so good in your head, do the entire world and most of all your kid, a favour. KEEP IT IN YOUR HEAD. 

Onto more serious matter, on Sunday we lost one of the world's sporting icons, Olympic marathon record-holder Samuel Wanjiru. Despite all the jokes made about the manner of his death (personal favourite is 'Ukishikwa na mpango wa kando, ruka stoRY, si stoREY') Anyway, hope he is in a better place. RIP Samuel, RIP.

As I sign out, booyah!